Inside The Amsterdam Sex Museum: Vintage Porn, Dirty Talk & Hot Robots

A memorable history lesson at The Temple of Venus.  
entering the sex museum
Illustration: Abhijeet Kini

The word “museum” might conjure images of pot-bellied security guards, huge white walls with incomprehensible canvases, and a lot of art snobs. Well, not at the Amsterdam Sex Museum, The Temple of Venus. Allow me to walk you through the highlights of its eye-popping imagery and fun, no-holds-barred entertainment.

The Noises

You walk in to an orchestra of female moans. The museum takes an old-school approach to humour by placing speakers in every room and blasting the sounds of different women screaming at different stages of ecstasy. It really sets the tone for the rest of your tour. Oh, and be warned, when you least expect it, the speaker volume will be increased to its maximum.

Vintage Porn

Vintage Porn

Illustration: Abhijeet Kini

I read a recent report that said that 33 per cent of all websites are pornographic. It may be easy to access porn today, but what if you were a bloke in the 1950s? Apparently, you would have to settle for an album of Polaroid pictures. Since there were few pin-up girls (the museum has a section devoted to pin-up girls too) and professional models, most photographers worked with amateurs. These photos with their bad lighting, pensive models and unconformable positions serve as a reminder of just how far the industry has come. These very pictures, clearly executed in haste, still went for a lot of money back then.

The Untold Marilyn Monroe Story

Marilyn Monroe statue

Illustration: Abhijeet Kini

Marilyn Monroe, universal sex symbol and the reason most women are extra careful while wearing skirts on a windy day. This museum immortalises that moment with a life-size Marilyn statue, obviously with gusts of air constantly pumped under her skirt.

However, that isn’t the only Marilyn Monroe attraction at the museum. The second attraction, located on the museum’s second floor, seems quite dull at first glance. There are just two huge drawn curtains in view. It is only after you choose a language that things start to heat up. The curtain opens, revealing a huge photo studio. Inside is a naked replica of Marilyn, and you are privy to the fascinating story that led the actress to star in her first nude photo shoot.

The Room Where Anything Goes

BDSM

Illustration: Abhijeet Kini

With the popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey, it isn’t uncommon to have a conversation about BDSM and other kinky bedroom activities. However, that wasn’t always the case. The Sex Museum has a dedicated room that addresses every weird, quirky and downright bizarre ritual that goes on after the curtains are drawn. The weirdest exhibit was a huge statue of a woman who was bound and gagged, and whose eyes followed you wherever you went.

Hotline

Hotline bling

Illustration: Abhijeet Kini

The most popular attraction at the museum was an innocuous red phone. Being the naïve person that I am, I assumed that it was merely a payphone. It’s only when I picked up the receiver that I realised what all the hype was about. The phone is designed to deliver an earful of the raunchiest and filthiest descriptions of sex that you can ever imagine!

Hot Robots

This was my absolutely favourite part of the museum. A dark enclosure, where there’s a surprise at every turn. From a robotic doctor who turns to face you in the full monty, to an overweight prostitute robot that wants to know how much you’re willing to pay her, this place isn’t for the faint of heart.

The Sex Museum doesn’t attempt to educate you about coitus – another presumption I had entered with. What it does instead, is provide you with a lifetime of dinner-table stories and a feeling of anticipation that I imagine no other museum can ever fulfil.

The Guide

Amsterdam Sex Museum, Damrak 18, 1015 LH, Amsterdam, The Netherlands (+31-20-6228376). Daily, 9.30 a.m.-11.30 p.m. Fee €4. Minimum age of admission is 16 years. See www.amsterdam.info/museums/sex-museum.

  • http://webdemo.letschbang.co.in/natgeo/wp-content/themes/natgeo-theme/images/circle.jpg

    Sean D'Mello writes comic stories for Tinkle for a living. When he isn't enthralling kids with fictional escapades he sets out on his own journeys, always bringing back a story with him.

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    Abhijeet Kini is an illustrator, animator, and the creator of the comic series “Angry Maushi”. He is a regular illustrator with Tinkle, and loves collecting comics and action figures.

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